Mmm, no thanks. Photo via Getty Images.

A pair of lucky winners will get to sleep over at Dracula’s Transylvanian castle on October 31. But would you really want to spend Halloween night at Dracula’s digs? Does that really seem like a good idea to you?

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The Associated Press reports that Airbnb has launched a contest to spend the night in the magnificent medieval Bran Castle, where the real-life Vlad the Impaler did some time and which appears in Bram Stoker’s novel as Dracula’s home. 

“The guests will be wined and dined, then left alone to lie down in red velvet-trimmed coffins just as Dracula did in the Bram Stoker horror novel that popularized the legend,” according to the AP. But the fun doesn’t stop there!

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The winning pair will tour the castle, then be treated to a candlelight dinner of chicken paprikash, the same meal described in the novel. Airbnb’s rules for the night are simple: no garlic or silver jewelry — both believed to ward off vampires — and this reminder: “The count is not a fan of mirror selfies.” (According to legend, a vampire’s image cannot be seen in mirrors.)

The listing looks super cozy.

Dacre Stoker, descendant of Bram, will host—in character!

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“I want to make it both realistic and show the legend in the wonderful country that birthed the whole thing,” Stoker said in a telephone interview. He’ll play the role of Jonathan Harker, a character from the novel who encounters Dracula at the castle. When the winners arrive in a horse-drawn carriage, he plans to greet them using the same words Dracula used in his ancestor’s story: “Welcome to my house! Enter freely. Go safely, and leave something of the happiness you bring!”

I’m not saying I want anybody to meet a bloody, gruesome end at the hands of the aristocratic undead! Just that if somebody were writing the script for a 2016 reboot of the Dracula franchise, this is exactly how it would start. Stoker’s novel is even crammed full of the technological marvels of the day, so Airbnb would fit right in.

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Anyway, it’s your jugular.