A 5,000-year-old linen dress discovered in a cemetery south of Egypt has just been confirmed as “the world’s oldest garment” by the University of Oxford. After radiocarbon dating, the distressed and, quite frankly, creatively barren v-neck number was found to have been made “between 3482-3102 BC,” where it was probably thought to be unmemorable, overpriced, and lacking a discernible point of view.

When asked for her thoughts, Dr. Alice Stevenson, Curator at the UCL Petrie Museum of Egyptian Archaeology, expertly read the garment to hell, choosing only to discuss its age:

The survival of highly perishable textiles in the archaeological record is exceptional, the survival of complete, or almost complete, articles of clothing like the Tarkhan Dress is even more remarkable.

Translation: “I’m genuinely surprised no one set this hideous thing on fire five centuries ago.”

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Model Kendall Jenner was spotted wearing the centuries-old dress earlier this month, while her sister donned other surviving garments from the dig.


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

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Images via UCL / Yeezy S3.