This year is the 400th anniversary of William Shakespeare’s death. As part of the festivities—would we call them festivities?—a TV team is taking a peek inside the bard’s final resting place. Much to my embarrassment, I cannot work up one iota of excitement over this.

The Telegraph reports that a Channel 4 documentary crew has gotten permission to do a high-tech radar survey on the grave. The Telegraph explains that, “Radar scans are most commonly used in graveyards to detect unmarked or previously unknown graves, allowing experts to find coffins and learn details about their size, shape and material they are made from.”

“We can confirm a scan of the grave has been completed,” said a church spokesperson. “The results of the scan will be revealed as part of a Channel 4 documentary later in the spring.”

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What could possibly be hiding in William Shakespeare’s grave? Educated guess: Spiders, bones, and possibly an ill-advised earring. Come on.

Sure, there’s a spooky twist. Shakespeare’s grave is protected with a curse. An inscription warns that: “Good friend for Jesus sake forbeare, To dig the dust enclosed here. Blessed be the man that spares these stones, And cursed be he that moves my bones.”

Nope, try as I might, still not mustering any National Treasure vibes. Not even if there’s a note tucked inside that says, “’twere Kit Marlowe all along, lol, trolled hard.” Call me when Nefertiti turns up.


Contact the author at kelly@jezebel.com.

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Photo via Getty.