I will keep telling these stories until there are no more stories to be told.
A few weeks ago we were all introduced to the unpleasant, yet unsurprising idea that Adolf Hitler probably had a micropenis in addition to a single ball. Today, let’s couple that mind picture with that of him being shat on by a parade of patient German women.
On Monday, The Daily Star reported that the “declassified top secret spy dossier” that revealed the previous two sexual irregularities also revealed that he was a “coprophiliac” (someone turned on by feces) who was incapable of normal sex.
The Daily Star continues:
Worse still the Nazi nutjob was turned on by a women [sic] crouching down over his face and doing a number two into his mouth.
And it is thought Adolf acted out his gross sexual fantasy with one of the few women he had sex with—his niece Geli Raubal.
“He is thinking about the peasant girls... When they stand in the fields and bend down at their work so that you can see their behinds, that’s what he likes, especially when they’ve got big round ones,” he said. “That’s Hitler’s sex life. What a man.”
What a man.
The dossier in question is A Psychological Analysis of Adolph Hitler and was compiled by Dr. Walter C Langer, who interviewed a number of informers after the war ended. The complete report was published by Basic Books in 1972, so its contents are not necessarily news.
Author Martin Amis once claimed that the only thing known about Hitler’s sex life was that he was a never-nude: “He wouldn’t take his clothes off, even for his physician and he was almost fanatical about cleanliness, which suggests to me asexuality plus,” he said in 2014, decidedly contradicting these reports.
Is any of this true? Probably not! But also, the minimum Hitler deserves is to have his genitalia publicly speculated about for about 1,000 more years.
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Image via Getty.