1. Her pompadour.

2. Her fur coat, which she is inexplicably wearing indoors.

3. “Silk Reflections.”

5. Her jewel necklace.

6. Her fundamentally purposeless scarf.

7. “this is living.”

8. Her ALL-WHITE piano. (A Steinway, of course.)

9. Her mesh pumps.

10. The idea that there are fantasies about pantyhose other than removing them at the end of the day and then burning them.

DRINK IT IN, GLAMOUR PUSSES.


Contact the author at kelly@jezebel.com.